Round and Round We Go
by hippiewritingchick
Summary: Follow the story of Shane McMahon and OC's relationship from 1999 up until the present. Heartbreak, love, confusion, breakups and a possible happy ending.
1. Chapter 1

1999

I wrote him off for the tenth time today.

He can go screw himself. I'm done. He can take his brown eyes and just go away. He can take his sweet words and go home, I'm done. I don't need him anymore. Three years is long enough. I'm almost thirty years old. He's not going to commit. He can call me baby, baby, baby, all he wants, nothing is ever going to change.

I practiced all the things I would say.

It's just not working out. I want out. We've grown apart. It's not fun anymore. I'm looking for a commitment and I don't think you're there just yet. Then there was a knock on my apartment door. I didn't even have to guess who it was. It was him. It's always him. It's only him that would come knocking so late. Should I pretend I'm not home? If I did that, he might leave. I can't let him leave.

But he came over, I lost my nerve.

I took him back and made him dessert.

Now we're sitting at my kitchen table eating chocolate cake. Looking at each other. He does this to me every time. He looks at me with those big brown eyes. He smiles that cocky smile and I can't help myself. I get sucked right back in. I get sucked right back into his life. His crazy life. My life is normal. His, not so much. He's always gone, always doing something. Always on the go. And here I sit. Waiting for him to come back. And he knows that I'll be here when he decides to make his grand appearance. It doesn't matter how much worry or distress he causes me, I'll always be here. I'm just a sucker with no self esteem.

Now I know I'm being used. That's ok, man, 'cause I like the abuse.

I know he's playing with me.

That's okay 'cause I got no self esteem.

Three long years this has been going on. He can't commit. He's gotta play the field. I'm just a side girl that he comes to when he's got nothing better going on for the night. He swears up and down I'm not the side girl. He swears that there is no one else. I can't believe him. He's out there with all those beautiful women all the time, and here I sit, waiting for him to come back.

Baby, I love you, he says. Things will be different, just give me a chance to prove it to you. So I give him yet another chance to prove it to me.

We make plans to go out at night.

He doesn't show. Why would he show? He promised that he would show so of course he wouldn't show.

I wait 'til 2 then I turn out the light.

This rejections got me so low

If he keeps it up I might just tell him so

Who I am kidding? He's Shane McMahon. I'll never tell him so. I'll just let him keep using me. That's what you do when you're sleeping with power.

You believe his lies. You believe his promises. You believe every word that comes out of his perfectly sculpted mouth. You believe in the power that he holds over you. You can't quite explain it, but all you know is that if he ever took it away, you would waste it away into a puddle of nothingness.

When he saying that he wants only me.

Then I wonder why he sleeps with my friends.

Ok, that hurts. It stung a little bit when he did it the first time, when he slept with Miranda. It hurt when he slept with Angela. It hurt a lot more when he slept with Kim. But I didn't do anything about it. I don't have any self esteem. I didn't even get mad. Not on the outside anyways. On the inside, I'm seething. How dare those other women think of laying their grubby hands on my man? Is he my man? That's where the line gets blurred.

When he's saying that I'm like a disease.

Then I wonder how much more I can spend.

He says I'm his favorite disease. I'm in his brain. He can't get me out. Which is why he never fully leaves. He needs me. Just like I need him. But why do we treat each other like this?

I should stick up for myself. I shouldn't be waiting up until two in the morning waiting for him. He was supposed to be here at eight. No phone call. No text. I have no idea where he is or what he's doing.

The more you suffer. The more it shows you really care, right?

Two thirty rolls around. There is a knock on my apartment door. He's drunk again and looking to score.

Now I know I should say no. But it's kind of hard when he's ready to go. I'll take his urgent kisses. I'll take his busy hands. I'll take his whispered promises that won't come true. So we'll begin our vicious cycle over and over again. And in the morning I'll hand him some Advil and a big glass of water. I won't ask him where he was all night. I won't nag him that he was supposed to be at my place at eight. I won't be the jealous girl and demand to know who he was with. I won't ask him who he thinks he is, showing up here drunk and just thinking that I will let him in for the night. I just won't. Because I don't want to know. I don't want to know who he was with or what he was doing. All that matters to me is that he came back to me at the end of the night.

I'm just a sucker with no self esteem. And he knows this.


	2. Chapter 2

1999

It's two in the morning and we're sitting at my kitchen table eating cake. He's drunk. He was out with Rodney and Pete again. He got into town about four this afternoon and instead of coming to see me right away, he went to go see his friends. This isn't unusual. This is normal. He puts his friends above me all the time. He's been gone for two weeks and instead of rushing to my apartment and into my arms, he went drinking with his buddies.

I get it. His job is stressful. It's stressful traveling all the time. It's a stressful business all together. Shane is a powerful young man. He is the son of Vincent McMahon, the principal owner of WWF, the World Wrestling Federation. Shane is next in line to inherit the company and run it. Right now his job is to play the spoiled son on television. He plays it well. He comes across as ruthless and mean; conniving and smart. He has big plans for the Corporation, he tells me about this over another slice of banana cake. His second piece.

My life is boring compared to his. I spend all day in the office, making numbers add up, wasting paper. He spends all day traveling, in important meetings, learning scripts, and schmoozing. I rush home from work every night and wait for his nightly phone call at 9:00. Most of the time he remembers to call. There are a few nights where he will forget to call right at nine and I'll be in tears, holding the phone on my lap, staring at it, willing it to ring. Those are the nights where I'm certain he's forgotten about me and is in the arms of another woman. Those are also the nights where he ends up calling at midnight, drunk, spewing sweet drunken words of love. "Baby, I love you so much. I wish you were here right now." He tells me that he wants me to travel with him, to be with him all the time, to share in his exciting life. But when I bring it up when he's sober, hi tune changes almost immediately. "Baby, that's not a good idea. I'm so busy with everything, we would hardly get the chance to see each other. It wouldn't be fair to you. I can't ask you to give up your job either. The way things are right now are just fine. We're at a good place right now."

We're anywhere but a good place right now. I'm ready to bolt. We've been together three years now. In fact, our three year anniversary was last week and he never mentioned it. So I didn't bring it up either. He's busy, I get it. I just assume that he forgot and that he'll remember in the next day or so and feel really bad and make it up to me. I did something I'm not proud of; I talked to his sister about him. I know, I know. I shouldn't get Steph involved. But I needed someone to talk to and the three girlfriends that I did have were out of the question since their "incident" with Shane.

"He forgot our anniversary."

"Oh, honey, I'm sorry…..Are you sure he forgot? He's been pretty busy. Maybe he just hasn't had time to call and-"

"No, he called on our anniversary. He didn't say one word about it. He was even sober when he called."

"What a jerk."

"Yeah well, he's my jerk, I guess…."

She wasn't much help. She was just as busy with the company as he was and was traveling all the time too. We used to be really close. That's how I met Shane, in fact. She introduced us. So I guess I could blame all my heartache on her.

"Do you want some coffee?" I asked Shane as I cut him his third piece of cake. He nods. He's about to pass out.

"Are you pissed off at me, babe?" he asks. I haven't said much to him since he's been here. I've been mostly listening with a scowl on my face. It's not that I'm not happy to see him. I just wish I had a normal boyfriend with a normal job who came to visit me at normal hours instead of in the middle of the night to eat cake and then to have sex. His voice has a slight slur to it. He needs coffee.I need to wake him up so we can talk. Yes, I'm pissed. I'm angry. I'm upset. I'm heartbroken. I'm a million different things right now and I want to talk about it.

"A little…..Did you forget something last week?" I ask softly as I pour him a cup of strong coffee. I don't care that's it's almost two thirty in the morning. I want him awake. I want him to sober up.

"I don't think so."

I set the coffee up down in front of him and take a seat next to him. Tears fill my eyes. He honestly and truly forgot?

He notices the tears welling up in my eyes. I turn away from him. "Baby? What's the matter? What did I forget?" He puts his arm around me. I immediately try to shrug him off.

"I can't believe you forgot. I can't do this anymore, Shane." I shrug him off again and stand up. I can't be near him right now so I walk over to the coffee pot and pour myself a cup.

"Whoa, slow down, Ash. What exactly did I forget and what exactly can't you do anymore?" He's sobering up quickly now.

"You. You forgot our anniversary and I don't think I can do this anymore."

"This? This? What do you mean, this? You can't do what? You're not a child, Ash, speak your mind!" Now he was getting upset.

"Jesus Christ, Shane. Do I have to spell it out for you?"

"Apparently you do, because I have no idea what you're talking about!"

"Last week was our three year anniversary and you totally forgot about it. You called me that night and didn't even say anything about it! How do you think that makes me feel? I'll tell you how it makes me feel, it makes me feel like crap! And I'm tired of feeling like crap when it comes to you, Shane!" I was shouting now. I didn't give a shit that it was quarter to three in the morning on a Thursday. I was pissed. I was going to have it out with him one way or another.

"Shit….."

"That's all you have to say?!"

"No, baby, I'm sorry!" He gets off his chair and comes over to me. I'm leaning against the kitchen sink, head down, trying to hold back my tears. He puts his hands on either side of hips and leans in close. "I'm really sorry," he whispers as he leans in and places a gentle kiss on my forehead. "So sorry," he murmurs in my right ear. He runs his hand up and down my left arm. "I can't believe I forgot. Please don't be done."

"I don't know, Shane. I don't know how much more of this I can take. Half the time it doesn't even feel like you're my boyfriend. It feels like you're just some guy that comes over every two weeks, drunk, and eats cake in my kitchen at two in the morning."

"I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you. I promise."

I've heard that before, but I've never seen it.


	3. Chapter 3

"Aww….baby girl…" Shane moaned into my ear as our love making session continued. I told you. I could never tell him no. An hour ago I was so mad at him for forgetting our anniversary and now we're in bed tangled up in the sheets.

His lips tasted like rich banana cake and strong coffee. I've never tasted anything more delicious. I loved this man. Even though I swore every time was going to be the last. Even though I swore up and down that I couldn't take this anymore, I stayed. I wasn't going anywhere. I needed this man in my life.

When he was finally done, he pulled me close to him, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and I laid my head on his chest. "I've missed you," he whispered, still breathing hard. After two cups of coffee and some strenuous love making, he had sobered up a little bit more. It was close to four thirty in the morning. It was safe to say that I wasn't going to work in a few hours. I was going to have to call in sick. There was no way I was going to be able to leave his arms right now. I was terrified that if I let him go, he wouldn't come back to me. I could take a talking to at work for missing a day. What I couldn't take was missing some precious time with Shane.

"Stay with me?" I whispered as I snuggled closer to him.

"I should head home."

"Please?"

"I should really go. It's late."

"But you've been drinking. And you're right, it's late. Please just stay so I don't worry about you driving, Shane."

I could tell that I was going to have to be more convincing. Moving my head from his chest, and his arm from around my shoulders, I shrugged him off and moved so I was on top of him. Straddling him, I leaned down and kissed him hard on the mouth. "Please stay….." Reaching down, I started to stroke him. He started to stiffen under my light touch.

"Well, baby, you do make a good point," he whispered huskily in my ear as he closed his eyes and let me do all the work. "I guess I'll stay the night…"

.

.

.

I had set the alarm for seven o'clock so I could call work and let them know I wasn't able to come in today. I was so tired. And I was hoping to spend the rest of the day with Shane. I shut the alarm off quickly and looked over at him-he was still sound asleep. It had taken all my womanly charms a few hours ago to keep him here instead of letting him leave like he had wanted to. I pushed the uneasy thoughts I had in my mind to the back for now. He wanted to leave. He didn't want to be here with me. He had wanted to go home. I'm so insecure when it comes to him. All I need for him is reassure me once in awhile that he really does want to be with me. I really needed to build up some self esteem.

I quickly called the office and begged off for the day. Letting them know that I needed to take a personal sick day; I wasn't feeling well. I was planning on spending the day in bed. What my boss didn't need to know that I planned on staying the day in bed with my boyfriend.

Crawling back into bed, I was careful not to wake him up. I snuggled up to his back, throwing an arm over his waist and breathed in his scent. I loved this man. I was so glad that he was here. "Ash?" he murmured in his sleep. He rolled over and took me into his arms. Placing a kiss on my forehead, he pulled me closer. "Morning, baby….." he whispered.

"Morning," I said softly as I reached up to touch his cheek.

"Aren't you going to be late to work?" he said while glancing at his watch.

"I called in."

"Aw, baby, you shouldn't have done that," he said stroking my long hair. It felt like he was treating me like a child who was upset because she wasn't going to get her way.

"I thought we could spend the day together?"

"That sounds awesome. But I've got so much stuff to do today. Dad was expecting me to come over today and go over some paperwork and then there's some phone calls that I gotta make. And a bunch of other boring work stuff that needs to get done. Babe, it's just not a good day to lay around in bed all day…. as much as I want to."

"Damn it, Shane," I whispered. "Can't you spend just one day with me while you're not on the road?" I pleaded with him with my eyes. I tried to fight back the tears that were welling up and threatening to fall. Couldn't he see? All I wanted to do was spend time with him. That's all I wanted-was some of his time.

"Ash, what's gotten into you lately?" he asked, pushing me away and looking at me with those brown eyes that I couldn't resist. "Every time I see you, you're picking a fight with me. What did I do?"

"You forgot our anniversary."

He sighed. "I know that now. And I promised to make it up to you. I just don't know if I'll be able to do it today. I feel like shit for forgetting our anniversary. That's why you were pissed off at me last night. What else is going on?"

Do I tell him? Do I let it all out? Do I lay all my cards on the table? Do I let him know about all my insecurities about us?

"I'm having doubts, Shane."

"Doubts? About what?"

"Us."

"What? There's nothing to doubt about us. Me and you," he said, grabbing my hand and bringing it to his mouth for a kiss, "are perfect. Perfectly matched in every way, baby."

"You never spend any time with me." I whisper.

"I'm here right now, aren't I?"

He had a point. He was here right now. I should just take it for what it's worth and spend the time I had with him. But images of me waiting by the phone every night and images of me waiting for him to show up at my door flashed through my head. The phone never rang and the doorbell was always silent. I couldn't keep going on like this anymore. I had to do something drastic to get his attention.

"Maybe we need a break from each other."

"Ashley, you can't be serious? Think about what you're saying."

"Shane, I'm tired. Tired of waiting for you to call every night and tired of waiting up until two in the morning for you to finally show up at my door even though I know you've been in town since four in the afternoon. I can't do this much longer. You need to make a decision."

"A decision about what?"

"A decision about just how important I am in your life. Take me on the road with you. Steph told me that the other guys bring their girlfriends on the road with them all the time. It won't be any different than them."

"Are you giving me an ultimatum? Because you know as well as I do that I do not do well with ultimatums, Ash."

"I guess I am Shane. Take me on the road with you and start acting like a real boyfriend, or I'm going to walk. I've given into the fact that if I want to be with you that I need to be understanding of your work schedule, I get that. But you need to make time for me too. It's not fair to me for you to just come and go as you please."

He stared at me for a long time. He grabbed his pants and started to put them on. He still hadn't looked at me. I was beginning to worry that he hadn't said anything to me yet. Was he just going to get dressed and leave?

"You better pack your stuff," he finally said.

I squealed with delight and threw myself into his arms.

"I love you," I whispered in his ear. "You won't regret this."

"I know I won't. But I hope you don't regret it."


	4. Chapter 4

1999

"Are you serious ? I can come with you?" I asked. I jumped on the bed and pushed him down. I straddled him and held his hands above his head. I leaned down and kissed him. My long hair tickled his nose. He smiled that beautiful smile that I fell in love with for a minute. Then his face turned serious.

"I'm serious, babe, you can come with. But I'm gonna warn you, it's not like we're going to be able to spend every waking minute together. I still have to work. And I'll warn you right now, I'm always busy. There's Monday Night RAW, there's Smackdown, plus I got responsibilities back at Headquarters to take care of when I'm not traveling between cities. Are you sure you want to come with? It's going to be a lot of hurry up and wait for you. Steph's been doing it for a while and she was pretty bored at first."

"I know. I'm just floored that you finally said I could come with!" I heard him. I heard that he said I would be bored. I heard him say that I wouldn't get to spend time with him like I had hoped to. But right now all I cared about was that he had finally, after two years of me begging, said yes. I was going with!

"Well, I feel bad that I missed our anniversary .I can't believe that I forgot." He reached up and stroked my cheek with his thumb. "I promise that I'll make it up to you. New Year's Eve is coming up. We'll do something special. Just the two of us. I'll make it up to you, Ash.I just don't want you to give up on us."

"Shane, all I've ever wanted was some of your time."

"I know, baby. I know."

.

.

I thought being on the road with Shane was going to bring us closer together. I thought we would be able to spend more time together. I thought I would be happy being able to have him by my side every night. I thought I would happy being able to wake up next to him every morning. I was wrong.

It feels like I see less of him now than I did before. Before I had work to occupy my time between phone calls and visits. Now I just have an empty hotel room to keep me company at night. I've never been so lonely in all my life. We start out on Sunday flying out to where we need to be for Monday Night Raw. Land in whatever city the show is in and check into the hotel. I get exactly the amount of time it takes at the airport and the time it takes to fly to the next city with Shane. When we land, he's off to the arena. Sometimes he invites me along and I sit in his dressing room alone. Other times, I sit in our hotel room alone. Being alone is something that I'm getting used to. Shane was right, he's busy. I see him more on television that I actually see him in person. From Monday Night Raw, we jump onto his luxurious tour bus and we move on to whatever city Smackdown is being taped in.

Even when we were on the tour bus, he didn't have time for me. He was either on the phone or absorbed in his laptop. "Shane…" I called from the back of the bus where our "bedroom" was, "Come here a second." I was laying on the bed, propped up in a seductive pose, wearing nothing but my red bra, panties and a smile. This had to get his attention. We hadn't been intimate since our first night on the road together.

Nothing. "Shane!" I called again.

I heard him groan in frustration. He was on the computer. Again. "Just a minute, Ash!" he hollered back.

I sat up and pouted. I knew that when he said 'just a minute' that I was going to be waiting for at least ten.

Ten minutes went by and he still didn't come back to the back of the bus. Feeling more frustrated than normal, I threw on my black silk robe, threw my long brown hair up into a messy bun and went to see what was keeping him. We still had another two hours on the bus before we were in the next city. I wanted to spend some time with him that didn't involve him being on the phone or the computer. Is that too much to ask?

"Shane?"

He was staring at his computer. "Yeah, baby?"

"Were you going to come back to the bedroom?"

"Why?" he asked, still staring at his computer screen. I leaned over him to see what was so interesting. Stocks. Money. Business. I should have known. Money and business always seem to come before me lately.

"Because there was something I wanted to show you."

"Show me out here," he said distractedly, his eyes still glued to that damn computer.

"I really think it's something that you should come back to the bedroom and see….." I trailed off, fingering the tie on my robe. He was still ignoring me.

I wish I could say that in the end he noticed that I was barely wearing any clothes and that I was waiting for him to ravish me. But, sadly, he never noticed and i slinked back to the back of the bus. Alone.

.

.

.

.

I was friends with his sister Stephanie before we started dating. One night Steph invited me out for drinks after they taped Smackdown. We were flying home the next day. Shane had some work to do at Headquarters in Stamford. I would be heading back to my lonely apartment in Greenwich. I was beginning to think that Lonely was my middle name.

"So….how are things are going with you and Shane-O?" Steph asked as she accepted her cosmopolitan from the waitress with a smile. She was in a great mood. I wish I could match her mood.

"Not so good."

"Now what's wrong? Dad had a chat with him about paying attention to you while we're on the road."

"He did?" That shocked me. Vince never paid much attention to me. Even though I had been with his son for three years and had attended a number of McMahon holidays and family functions. Linda was a lot nicer to me. Well, she has been a lot nicer since she finally figured out that I'm not with Shane for his money or fame.

"Yes! He reminded Shane that since he invited you to come with him, he had better pay attention to you and include you in his road life or there was really no reason for you to come along."

"I can't believe Vince said that. Not that it's really helped. If anything, it's made it worse."

"Oh no. Is he still being an ass?"

"Kind of. I feel even more ignored than before. If that's even possible!"

"Do you want me to talk to him?"

I shook my head. "No, that will just cause problems. I'll have to be a big girl and actually talk to him."

"I hate to say it, Ash. But maybe he needs a wake up call. I mean, it worked last time, right?"

She was referring to the last time we broke up. I had gotten tired of him ignoring me and I decided that we needed a break. It lasted two months before he came crawling back to me, begging for my forgiveness and for me to take him back. It was the worst two months of my life. I have never been so depressed in my life. I didn't really want to replay that. But, if that's what it took, I might have to take drastic measures for him to see what he had right in front of him.

"It did, but I was so miserable," I sighed. "There has to be another way to get his attention."

"Well, if you're not ready to break up, then you need to speak up, girl."

The conversation fizzled after that and turned to other matters. Stephanie asked me if me and Shane had made plans for New Year's Eve yet. The conversation then turned to what we were going to wear on the last night of the 90s. It took a few more drinks after that but I finally made a decision: I was going to speak up to Shane tonight when I got back to the room. And if that didn't work, then, I guess…..I guess we would break up. I just hoped it didn't come down to that.


End file.
